This one's not for you... or you.

This blog is purely for my own benefit. It was originally written by hand while outside this afternoon, but i wanted to refeel and revise my writing.

Mikayla Dunfee
March 21, 2007

I don't know why I just headed my journal like an assignment. Perhaps because it is an assignment, for myself. It's busy work... for myself. Right now I just need to immerse myself in activity. Any open margin will depress me.
I can't decide whether to think about it or not. But God knows, I'll write about it.

Today is a dreary, dismal sort of day, perfectly depicting my emotions. I appreciate it... in all it's morosity (<--word?). It's warm, with a light cool breeze, which is simply perfection.

Thank God I am going home this weekend... although I do fear the drive and the void of activity that it will leave my mind.
I love that even with Death Cab ringing in my earbuds, I can still hear the birds sing; it's beautiful.
I'm confused. again. I just don't know what to feel. And I wish I could make some headway on any and all of the confusion in my life.

How unusual this day is. If the sun were shining, it would be downright hot. The ground is tinted green. The trees are still sparse and dead... like winter. I swear to God though, that grass it growing greener than by the second.

I hope she cried--Megan that is. When Alan told her "everything" about me. The terrible thing that it is to admit to, but ... woops! Freudian slip or something... ha.

Ya, I really hope she cried when he told her that he loved/s (or liked/s... or something... whatever) me... even though, for the record I did nothing devious or immoral to acquire such affection. Still, I felt it too. I'm not saying that we were head-over-heels, passionately in love with each other, by any means... but we appreciated each other and each other's company. That's all.

I hope she cried, so that she could feel a hint of my mixed-up pain at loosing such a dear friend on her accord. I hope Alan cried too.
asshole.

The wind can't make up its mind either... that's comforting. I think the weather in general, is confused. Well, my Doubleshot-induced consciousness is making me antsy.
I suppose it is the right season for hope and rebirth... the weather is telling me so, anyway. :/

The Midwest Stereotype

It always irritates me when I hear a spokesperson allude to backwardness of the Midwest or any other stereotype that falls under our region for that matter. Because, yes; amazingly we do have televisions here... and running water (except on hiking trails and construction sites). I remember once while I was at gymnastics camp in Lake Owen, Wisconsin, a girl asked me if I drove a Conestoga wagon... seriously.... Then a second, and slightly more advanced girl asked me if I drove my own tractor to school. Okay, let me divulge: We are in fact, members of this infinitely-entangled world commerce! Surprising--I know, stay with me.

However this arrogance that I have developed often leads to trouble and there are times, like now, that I must simply bite my tongue. Coincidentally, yesterday made a wonderful day for an epiphany. Amid the 2 and a half combined hours of waiting for various medically competent people to test me for some unknown epidemic, a slightly-past-middle-aged woman began making small-talk about the news, incompetent people, etc. I smiled and nodded earnestly and accordingly, when in truth I just wanted shut her up on account of my pounding headache, fever, and difficulty breathing. She was ridiculously persistent and unrelenting in her chatter. This continued a few minutes, until the breaking news came on and Barack Obama's face was plastered on the screen and some headline about suspected illegal stock-aiding or some bullshit.... anyway, my companion noticed my attention had be redirected. She instantly rebounded with a hint of cynicism and an outlandish statement, "...you know, I just can't trust that one... not with that name...(mumbling).... Muslim... etc."
!!!!! What the fuck?!? I was quite frankly, flabbergasted. I'm still unsure as to whether she meant "Hussein", "Obama", or both names were untrustable names, but the confirmation is unnecessary. Obama's political platform was never even alluded to. This woman's sole argument began and ended with his name. Seriously! Stuff like this pisses me off as is evident of my past blog about my Criminal Justice class favoring hate crimes... I really must ask: What the fuck is wrong with people?!?!

I find it hard to believe that this problem is evident in more ethnically diverse regions of the United States. I just thought/hoped that American unity would leak into the Midwest-- creating enough acceptance to embrace any qualified individual based on their skills and character instead of his or her physical attributes. Why does change have to take so damn long? And why on Earth do some parents beat their own beliefs into their children's heads?

Hillarie often says that parents should be licensed before having a child. I think this is an increasingly stupendous idea. One of the most crucial installments of this course would be, "Helping your kids think for themselves." Kids do need guidance, but they don't need to be brainwashed either.

yick. You know what else is disturbing and sick? The rodeo guy in Borat. He is such a chauvinist... I just don't get it. I mean I know I have my biases; who doesn't? But I can adjust my views; how could you not? Life would be so frustrating.

Ha. That's why there's hate crimes. Ever feel like your train of thought only runs in a circle? (I guess that's Schulz's "One True Story" theory for ya)

Let's all pretend like we're Colbert, and just not see color. :D